3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have aggressive nipples.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
