Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
