i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
