So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
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But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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