Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
