I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
