Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
