Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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