Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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