i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
