Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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