are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
