Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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