u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
