i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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