My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
