AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
