I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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