I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Be still, my beating vagina.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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