Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it wasn't lemon gatorade
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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