oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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