someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
