So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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