Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Say something about gay babies.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
