no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
