it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
