You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
