it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
