Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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