Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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