i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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