you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
