what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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