I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize