I CAN MOONWALK!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
