If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
