Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
