im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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