I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
