saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
