and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why is your signature on my underwear?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
