And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
