The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
