it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
