the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
