if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
