I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
