I never want to see another naked old woman again.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
