Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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