I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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