You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
