We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
