im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
