I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
