you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I looked at my own cervix.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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