I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm jealous of your bromance
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
