just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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