cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize