i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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