Already got asked if we're dating
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
