I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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