This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
