I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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