so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
