my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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