My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
