Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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