Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
