Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
