my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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