Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
