I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
