i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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