every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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