im drinking this country out of the recession.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
