Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
