I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
